Let me just say this from my heart: if you’re grieving, it doesn’t mean you’re damaged. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or falling behind. It simply means you’re human. You’re moving through something sacred, something honest and raw. Grief isn’t some side road that takes you away from life; it’s woven right into the journey. I know it hurts, sometimes more than words can say, but it’s also where we find our greatest strength and growth.
I’ve sat with grief in the quietest corners of my soul, let my tears fall into my morning coffee, and looked up at the night sky, wishing for just one more hug, one more laugh, with someone I love. And here’s what I’ve discovered: the more we try to outrun our grief, the longer it stays with us. But when we gently welcome it in, it shows us how to carry our love forward, how to keep living with open hearts.
Grief Isn’t the Enemy… Silence Is
Who made that rule that says we’re supposed to ‘heal’ from our loss? Whoever it was, bless their heart, but they got it wrong.
Grief doesn’t disappear. It shifts. It softens. It changes shape. It becomes something we carry, like a stone in our pocket that reminds us of love, loss, and all that matters. What really hurts us is pretending we’re okay when we’re not. Shoving it down. Smiling through it.
When my daughter passed away, people didn’t know what to say. So some said nothing. Others gave me timelines or platitudes. But what helped most? A friend sitting beside me and saying, “I’m here. I don’t know what to say, but I love you.” That was enough. Presence is powerful.
Feeling Is Healing
Listen, if you’ve been avoiding your feelings, maybe numbing them with work, distractions, or just staying too busy to stop, I get it. It’s easier to scroll than to sit with sorrow. And you might even be wondering what I mean by ‘sitting with your sorrow.’ What I am trying to say is that grief asks us to feel it. Notice where it shows up in your body. Pay attention to the faint whispers inside your mind. And it doesn’t mean drowning in it. It simply means honoring it.
Let yourself cry in the car. Let yourself smile at the memory that sneaks in while you’re folding laundry. Let yourself feel. That’s the way forward. Not around. Not over. Through.
One thing that helped me? Journaling. Not the polished kind, just messy, ugly, honest thoughts. It gave my grief a place to land outside my body. Sometimes I wrote letters to the person I lost. Sometimes I would scribble my random thoughts about life and my challenges as they arose. It didn’t solve anything, but it did soften the weight.
Make Space for Joy, Too
Something we don’t often hear when we’re grieving is this: you have permission to laugh. It’s okay to dance, to let a sunset take your breath away, or to find a little peace in a warm cup of coffee. None of that means you’ve left your grief behind; it simply means you’re still here, still living, still finding moments of light along the way.
Grief and joy are not opposites. They are neighbors. Let them coexist.
I remember going to a birthday party not long after my world fell apart. I felt guilty for smiling. But then I realized: my love didn’t die when she did. And if she could see me, I think she’d want me to live. To really live in her honor. So I did. And I still do, with grief as my companion, not my captor.
Practical Ways to Embrace Grief
Let’s talk about what you can do, because you’re stronger than you think, even when you feel like a puddle.
- Talk to someone you trust. Not someone who tries to fix you, but someone who listens without judgment.
- Create rituals. Light a candle. Visit a place that feels sacred. Say their name out loud.
- Move your body. Grief gets stuck. A walk, a stretch, or even a good cry in the shower can release tension.
- Ask for what you need. Whether it’s space, company, or help with groceries, speak up. You’re not a burden.
- Be gentle with yourself. If all you did today was breathe, you did enough.
You’re Not Alone, and You’re Not Lost
You may feel shattered right now. But what if this breaking open is making room for something deeper?
Grief cracks us open so love can move in new ways. You don’t have to “heal” overnight. There’s no finish line. There’s just you, taking one breath at a time, one step forward, then two back, then a little sideways. And that’s okay.
I see you. I believe in your strength, even if right now it feels buried beneath tears and heartache. Keep showing up. Keep choosing life. Keep loving, even if it hurts.
Because in the end, embracing grief is not about letting go of the one you lost. It’s about letting love keep moving through you, shaping you, and guiding you forward.
You’re on a journey, and you’re doing better than you think.
With love,
Dena